Yes, you read correctly! This blog is about looking for love in all the right places. Let’s face it. Most of us know exactly what it feels like to have found love in the places that lead to disappointment, pain and confusion.
Relationships are one area of life that gets messy, really messy. And, it is also one area of life that often dominates our thought process. Consider how much time and attention we give to relationships.
If we aren’t in a relationship, we spend time thinking about what we are doing “wrong” and wishing we could be in one. “Why can’t I attract someone?” “Will I be alone forever?” “All the ‘good’ ones are gone.”
And, if we are in a relationship, we spend time evaluating the relationship itself as well as the other person. “Are they the ‘right’ one?” “Will we make it?” “Is this really what love is?”
It can be a roller coaster of hope, expectation, and frustration, over and over again.
That’s right—over and over again. What is it about the repeating element to intimate relationships? Our partner today may look different from the last one on the surface; however, the recurring dynamics of earlier relationships are likely to have taken the driver’s seat once again.
Through my work as a clairvoyant reader with the Inner Connection Institute, I have looked at thousands of relationships. Here are just a few of the insights that I have noticed:
- First, a majority of intimate relationships are built on the impulse to “feel better” or “be happier.” We are like a pie that is missing a piece. We look for someone to fill in that missing section. We look for someone to “make us happy” or “complete us.” We strike a deal. “If you make me happy, I will make you happy.”
- Most intimate relationships end because one of the two involved realizes that the other person isn’t actually making them happy. And/or, they are simply worn out from trying to make the other person complete.
- As much as we may want another person to make us feel better about ourselves, they can’t. As much as we may want to make someone else feel good about themselves, we can’t. We are the only one who can fill in the missing piece of our pie.
OK, I know these observations may be sobering. However, there is an upside!
The key to creating a healthy relationship is to fill in our own missing pie piece.
We are the only ones that can fill in the empty or wounded places in our heart. And, as we turn toward taking charge of our own well-being and contentment, we free ourselves from the trap of using relationships to fill in our gaps.
When two individuals are taking care of themselves, tending to their own needs and wounds, they can come into a relationship in complete circles. Neither is looking to the other person to fill in their empty spaces. Then, those circles are free to overlap, like a Venn diagram. Each can enjoy shared love, communication, and adventure as they continue to care for their own circle of well-being.
How can we turn inward to heal and in so doing build healthier relationships with our partners? One way is through meditation, taking time to get quiet within so we can identify our missing pie pieces and tend to them. We can look at and release the energetic patterns that are creating the same type of partner and relationship dynamics over and over again.
Yes, you can look for love in all the right places. Look within. Look to you.